Masquerade.

my charm wears thin around your neck like a weight

I’ve spun every tale that I have in my storybook

your eyes glaze over into mirrors that show my cracks

so I drop my guns empty at your feet

I paint the prettiest portrait of who I think you want me to be

but I’m just a watercolor mess

a Mona Lisa fraud

and with those rose colored glasses you might not see right through me

I’ve trapped you in this perpetual masquerade ball

we dance and float high above those who’ve lost

but the more your fingers press into my skin

the more you’ll feel the hollow skeleton within

I sculpt the perfect rendition of the god you need me to be

but my thoughts are undone

a false Rodin

and with your kaleidoscope my angles are rendered more obscene

I can tie you up with these golden threads

but my masterpiece is stolen by the words I’ve said

I paint the prettiest portrait of who I think you want me to be

but I’m just a watercolor mess

a Mona Lisa fraud

and with those rose colored glasses you might not see right through me

I sculpt the perfect rendition of the god you need me to be

but my thoughts are undone

a false Rodin

and with your kaleidoscope my angles are rendered more obscene

we dance and we float high above this destruction

but the more your fingers press into my skin

the more you’ll feel my hollow skeleton

the more you’ll feel nothing  

Parting Words.

what do I have to leave you but some scribbled words on a page?

will anyone remember these lines when I’ve passed my end of days?

I am temporary

life is fleeting

hold onto me

I’m not gone yet

I’m barely hanging on, I’m crying out for help

I don’t want you to forget me

like I’ve already forgotten myself

when will I close my eyes and take my last breath?

will you be able to take my hand as the dust settles underneath us?

this is temporary

I am fleeting

just hold onto me

I’m not gone yet

I’m barely hanging on, I’m crying out for help

I don’t want you to forget me

like I’ve already forgotten myself

will you have kind parting words to say?

can I make my mark before I fade?

I’m not gone yet

I’m barely hanging on, I’m crying out for help

I don’t want you to forget me

like I’ve already forgotten myself

I am temporary

life is fleeting

hold onto me

Sun In Your Pocket.

tea leaves won’t tell me my future

everything’s dark with the sun in your pocket

I’m scrambling for those second chances

you were always so fondly speaking of

the ones that I’m not granted

I’m so firm in my convictions

You’re so concrete in being indecisive

you told me that my eyes held promise

and I thought that your mouth held promises

sounds that fade into the distance

this was a recipe for disaster

the bitterness is heavy on my tongue

I count the calendar days

carving faces into these long months

letting my fingers trace the skyline

just to pass the time

time that is not my own

this was a recipe for disaster

the bitterness is heavy on my tongue

you’re so blue

if you’d stop being so yellow

that helpless victim mask would wash right off of you

this was a recipe for disaster

but I was too addicted to the taste

this was a recipe for disaster

but I couldn’t turn away

this crystal ball won’t show me my future

but I know it’s not with you

Low-key.

this is fine if you need to keep it discreet

but personally I find it a little confining

it’s not fair we have scheduled times to meet

you’re leaving much to be desired

I don’t dare say a word

it might ruin this moment here with you

and that’s the last thing I want to do

you’re comfortable with using me

as long as I don’t speak up

your hunger is devouring me

I cannot feed you enough

And I don’t dare disturb your peace

it might cause us to depart

and then you’ll break my heart

you’ll only kiss me when we’re alone

you always talk in code on the phone

what am I doing?

you’ll only meet for lunch in the park

and say, “I love you” in the dark

what am I losing?

I don’t dare say a word

your touch tells your resistance

I don’t dare tear you down

and destroy your perfect existence

and I don’t dare disturb your peace

because it might cause us to depart…

but you’ve already broken my heart

Kamikaze.

I searched for my reflection at the bottom of this empty glass

I told myself these lies so I could put one foot in front of the other

I cut these lines into my skin just so I could see color again

I scream in empty rooms so I don’t hear them whispering

you’re so good at blocking every doorway

preventing any escape

but I’m better at manipulating situations

to my advantage

I’m going down

I’m going down

you can join me

you can help me

you can try

but you can’t stop me

I’m going down

so get the hell out of my way

Kamikaze

I burn all these bridges to keep myself from fleeing to foreign shores

I painted a story that’s so elaborate that the masses might believe it

I kissed those bad habits with every intention of devouring them

I always made such good friends with my and anyone else’s vices

you’re so good at trying to convince me that

actions have consequences

but I’m a master of learning things

the hard way

I’m going down

I’m going down

you can join me

you can help me

you can try

but you can’t stop me

I’m going down

so get the hell out of my way

Kamikaze

one more shot

one more excuse

just one more night to cover the bruise

one more apology

and one more defense

just one more hit in the name of repentance

I’m going down

I’m going down

you can join me

you can help me

you can try

but you can’t stop me

I’m going down

so get the hell out of my way

Kamikaze

I’m going down 

Low. [poem]

bathroom floor, cold and uninviting

I trace the broken lines of paint on the wall

a mirror hangs but I can’t look into it

so I paint it black

I hear a pounding but it’s just the crashing of a broken heart

so I let the water scald my skin

etch a new pattern and carve a new look

I don’t recognize these blurred hands

they are weak and unsteady

I am drowning in a stream that’s no bigger than a drop

but I’m convinced that it’s a waterfall

I can’t hide that I’m overwhelmed

and maybe this cold, uninviting floor is the safest place to anchor myself

until I’m ready to scrape the black away from the mirror

and face myself.

Black Eyes. [poem]

I wanted you to see past the damage

I needed a band-aid and you looked like the perfect fit

black eyes and smooth words

and me, the blank slate ready to be written on

but you couldn’t form any sentences

and your comments were like a hammer to the head

because for a second I believed that maybe you could ignore the flaws

maybe you wouldn’t see the wounded child in the body of a man

but you, black eyes and smooth words

you and your stories of a failed relationship

you and your easy companionship

I wanted you to see me

but instead you looked right through me

and these are my broken words for you.