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Thursday, February 2, 2012

Masquerade.


my charm wears thin around your neck like a weight
I’ve spun every tale that I have in my storybook
your eyes glaze over into mirrors that show my cracks
so I drop my guns empty at your feet

I paint the prettiest portrait of who I think you want me to be
but I’m just a watercolor mess
a Mona Lisa fraud
and with those rose colored glasses you might not see right through me

I’ve trapped you in this perpetual masquerade ball
we dance and float high above those who’ve lost
but the more your fingers press into my skin
the more you’ll feel the hollow skeleton within

I sculpt the perfect rendition of the god you need me to be
but my thoughts are undone
a false Rodin
and with your kaleidoscope my angles are rendered more obscene

I can tie you up with these golden threads
but my masterpiece is stolen by the words I’ve said

I paint the prettiest portrait of who I think you want me to be
but I’m just a watercolor mess
a Mona Lisa fraud
and with those rose colored glasses you might not see right through me

I sculpt the perfect rendition of the god you need me to be
but my thoughts are undone
a false Rodin
and with your kaleidoscope my angles are rendered more obscene

we dance and we float high above this destruction
but the more your fingers press into my skin
the more you’ll feel my hollow skeleton
the more you’ll feel nothing  



Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Parting Words.


what do I have to leave you but some scribbled words on a page?
will anyone remember these lines when I’ve passed my end of days?
I am temporary
life is fleeting
hold onto me

I’m not gone yet
I’m barely hanging on, I’m crying out for help
I don’t want you to forget me
like I’ve already forgotten myself

when will I close my eyes and take my last breath?
will you be able to take my hand as the dust settles underneath us?
this is temporary
I am fleeting
just hold onto me

I’m not gone yet
I’m barely hanging on, I’m crying out for help
I don’t want you to forget me
like I’ve already forgotten myself

will you have kind parting words to say?
can I make my mark before I fade?

I’m not gone yet
I’m barely hanging on, I’m crying out for help
I don’t want you to forget me
like I’ve already forgotten myself

I am temporary
life is fleeting
hold onto me

Friday, January 20, 2012

Sun In Your Pocket.


tea leaves won’t tell me my future
everything’s dark with the sun in your pocket
I’m scrambling for those second chances
you were always so fondly speaking of
the ones that I’m not granted

I’m so firm in my convictions
You’re so concrete in being indecisive
you told me that my eyes held promise
and I thought that your mouth held promises
sounds that fade into the distance

this was a recipe for disaster
the bitterness is heavy on my tongue

I count the calendar days
carving faces into these long months
letting my fingers trace the skyline
just to pass the time
time that is not my own

this was a recipe for disaster
the bitterness is heavy on my tongue

you’re so blue
if you’d stop being so yellow
that helpless victim mask would wash right off of you

this was a recipe for disaster
but I was too addicted to the taste
this was a recipe for disaster
but I couldn’t turn away

this crystal ball won’t show me my future
but I know it’s not with you

Monday, January 9, 2012

Low-key.


this is fine if you need to keep it discreet
but personally I find it a little confining
it’s not fair we have scheduled times to meet
you’re leaving much to be desired

I don’t dare say a word
it might ruin this moment here with you
and that’s the last thing I want to do

you’re comfortable with using me
as long as I don’t speak up
your hunger is devouring me
I cannot feed you enough

And I don’t dare disturb your peace
it might cause us to depart
and then you’ll break my heart

you’ll only kiss me when we’re alone
you always talk in code on the phone
what am I doing?
you’ll only meet for lunch in the park
and say, “I love you” in the dark
what am I losing?

I don’t dare say a word
your touch tells your resistance
I don’t dare tear you down
and destroy your perfect existence
and I don’t dare disturb your peace
because it might cause us to depart…
but you’ve already broken my heart

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Kamikaze.


I searched for my reflection at the bottom of this empty glass
I told myself these lies so I could put one foot in front of the other
I cut these lines into my skin just so I could see color again
I scream in empty rooms so I don’t hear them whispering
you’re so good at blocking every doorway
preventing any escape
but I’m better at manipulating situations
to my advantage
I’m going down
I’m going down
you can join me
you can help me
you can try
but you can’t stop me
I’m going down
so get the hell out of my way
Kamikaze
I burn all these bridges to keep myself from fleeing to foreign shores
I painted a story that’s so elaborate that the masses might believe it
I kissed those bad habits with every intention of devouring them
I always made such good friends with my and anyone else’s vices
you’re so good at trying to convince me that
actions have consequences
but I’m a master of learning things
the hard way
I’m going down
I’m going down
you can join me
you can help me
you can try
but you can’t stop me
I’m going down
so get the hell out of my way
Kamikaze
one more shot
one more excuse
just one more night to cover the bruise
one more apology
and one more defense
just one more hit in the name of repentance
I’m going down
I’m going down
you can join me
you can help me
you can try
but you can’t stop me
I’m going down
so get the hell out of my way
Kamikaze
I’m going down 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Low. [poem]


bathroom floor, cold and uninviting
I trace the broken lines of paint on the wall
a mirror hangs but I can’t look into it
so I paint it black
I hear a pounding but it’s just the crashing of a broken heart
so I let the water scald my skin
etch a new pattern and carve a new look
I don’t recognize these blurred hands
they are weak and unsteady
I am drowning in a stream that’s no bigger than a drop
but I’m convinced that it’s a waterfall
I can’t hide that I’m overwhelmed
and maybe this cold, uninviting floor is the safest place to anchor myself
until I’m ready to scrape the black away from the mirror
and face myself.

Black Eyes. [poem]


I wanted you to see past the damage
I needed a band-aid and you looked like the perfect fit
black eyes and smooth words
and me, the blank slate ready to be written on
but you couldn’t form any sentences
and your comments were like a hammer to the head
because for a second I believed that maybe you could ignore the flaws
maybe you wouldn’t see the wounded child in the body of a man
but you, black eyes and smooth words
you and your stories of a failed relationship
you and your easy companionship
I wanted you to see me
but instead you looked right through me
and these are my broken words for you.