a very still breath

flashes of color from shifting eyes

two not at their very best

whispers that melt into lies

wandering hands, nothing to hold

a frosted spark

misunderstood intentions

pull light from this dark

luminescent intervention

scraping the bottom, empty we find

let’s move this mountain

it’s become too high to scale

drowning in this ocean

we’re destined to fail

but I want to explode still

oh, I wanna feel again

I wanna feel again

stay.

turn off the sun

it hangs too low today

the winds of change

are trying to blow me away

I have held on remarkably well

but time swore not to tell

keep your eye blind

I know what you see

keep your words unkind

they settle better with me

I have made my sacrifices

they choose to lie with my vices

Tie my hands behind my back

Paint the roses black

They always die anyway

Sow my mouth shut

Salt the paper cuts

I’m numb anyway

Will I stay?

Will I stay?

drag the book out again

I want to feel the words

scripture from before then

healing in reverse

I used to be someone

and now I’m no one

Tie my hands behind my back

Paint the roses black

They always die anyway

Sow my mouth shut

Salt the paper cuts

I’m numb anyway

Will I stay?

Will I stay?

I ran until my feet bled and watched until my eyes burned

You laid out all the lesson plans but I can’t remember anything I learned

Where’s your hand now? How did forever somehow slip away?

Will I ever, will I ever, stay?

Will I ever stay?

I sit on the bathroom floor. The shower liner needs to be replaced because it’s old and falling apart. I bought a new one at Big Lots but it seems like such a huge task to switch it. I stare at the scale. I should weigh myself. I’m hungry. Surely I’ve lost a few more pounds.

I clean the kitchen counters. Empty the dishwasher. Stare out the window. I would love to take a walk on the trail but I worry who I’ll run into. I don’t feel like dealing with human interaction.

My room is messy. I tell myself that not everyone is neat freak and it’s okay to have a messy room. I mean, who sees it but me? It doesn’t matter. But it does. That shower liner matters. The kitchen counters matter. Walking matters. Everything matters. I’m tired.

I was big into fruit infused water. I prepared it daily. It’s a chore now. It sits on my computer desk, some water and lemon still in it. The lemon is probably eating through the Walmart plastic. I don’t care. I can’t make myself care.

Do I want to care?

I’m so “on” at work that I turn myself off when I leave. I’ve become an amazing actor. Where’s my Academy Award? Where’s my fucking award?

I’m tired.

I think I could love you.

you are uncertainty

and I search inside of me

I need some kind of map

we don’t know what to say

I suggest parting ways

you tell me that’s a trap

it takes two to do this dance

a tangled spotlight ballroom romance

and I only want your hand

I don’t know what’s true

but I think I could love you

I don’t ask for proof

because I think I could love you

we understand that this could send us over the edge

Tell me you know it too

I think I could love you

I am an angry child

jaded and running wild

never putting down my fists

you are a carefree soul

spirited and unpredictable

every swing at you is a miss

lead me across the floor

we can’t keep from wanting more

this all I’ve been waiting for

I don’t know what’s true

but I think I could love you

I don’t ask for proof

because I think I could love you

we understand that this could send us over the edge

Tell me you know it too

I think I could love you

I search your eyes

I read your lips

I trace you with my fingertips

until I know it wholeheartedly

Darling, I think you could love me

I know what’s true

I think I could love you

There’s no need for proof

I think I could love you

we understand that we’re falling over the edge

you know it too

and I know I love you

lonely heart.

a lonely heart still beats, sometimes quiet, sometimes hard and strong

blood forcing itself down narrow streets in a skyscraper with limbs

a soul that wanders down any boulevard looking for shelter

rain that never stops, sometimes soft, sometimes wild and sweeping

a lonely heart navigating the storm, self conscious and unsure

pushing forward with steady hope of calmer days ahead

a love that doesn’t extinguish, even in the darkest of hours

longing that always lingers, sometimes faint, sometimes bright and radiating

lonely heart, where are you taking me?

lonely heart, where have we gone?

lonely heart, where are you placing me?

lonely heart, are you ready to move on?