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Monday, December 6, 2010

my own worst enemy.

I'm tired of these moments of restless energy
I'm tired of being so full up with rage
I'm tired of these broken emotions overcoming me
and I'm tired of running away
I'm tired of throwing myself on the railroad tracks
I'm tired of victimizing myself
I'm tired of trying to make up for things that I lack
and I'm tired of this false sense of self

for years, for years
I've blamed everyone and everybody
it's never my own fault
but now I'm coming to realize
through these enlightening epiphanies
that all outside are purged of their crimes
and I'm my own worst enemy

I'm tired of living inside of my head
I'm tired of spurning all attempts of intimacy
I'm tired of drowning in this sea of dread
and I'm tired of trying to present a perfect version of me
I'm tired of not being enough
I'm tired of feeling this suffocating inadequacy
I'm tired of being this gemstone in the rough
and I'm tired of feigning stability

for years, for years
I've blamed everyone and everybody
it's never my own fault
but now I'm coming to realize
through these enlightening epiphanies
that all outside are purged of their crimes
and I'm my own worst enemy

take a moment to look at myself
I'd rather sow my eyes shut
then see all this hell that I've caused
take a moment to truly see
but I'd rather suffer in blindness
then indulge in this belief

and I'm tired of beating myself up

for years, for years
I've blamed everyone and everybody
it's never my own fault
but now I'm coming to realize
through these enlightening epiphanies
that all outside are purged of this crime
and I'm my own worst enemy

Sunday, December 5, 2010

colorblinded.

I planned on heaven with you and I only found hell
I had it all figured out, thought I knew you so well
I had nothing but patience but time could only tell
what I wish I'd known
I would have saved me from myself

but you and your golden words painted a picture that I couldn't look away from
you and your silver lining held me in your storm
I ended up black and blue and bleeding red from every airbrushed line...
I know now
that I had been colorblinded

I laid my cards out, refused to play the game
You showed me your hand and promised to do the same
I saw the wounded beast that I had thought I'd tamed
I was so naive
I didn't see it when it came

but you and your golden words painted a picture that I couldn't look away from
you and your silver lining held me in your storm
I ended up black and blue and bleeding red from every airbrushed line...
I know now
that I had been colorblinded

now I'm stuck in monochromatic limbo
craving the color that you drained
wishing I could wash you away

but you and your golden words painted a picture that I couldn't look away from
you and your silver lining held me in your storm
I ended up black and blue and bleeding red from every airbrushed line...
I know now
that I had been colorblinded

you and your silver lining held me in your storm
but I finally see the rainbow