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Monday, November 14, 2011

21 things I want in a lover. Okay, maybe more than that but Alanis was onto something.


Let's be honest. How many of us are out there searching for that perfect person? The so-called "soulmate"? We're all guilty of fantasizing about those cinematic moments where we're running through meadows into the arms of some handsome stranger and everything is beautiful and shiny and perfect.

Unfortunately, the real world isn't quite as pretty.

We juggle things like careers, kids, hopes, and dreams. We make friends with a word called compromise. But what if you could find a lover who fit all of the criteria that you've had bouncing around in your head for years?

I came across a website that talked about how to find true love.  It asked that you make a list of what your ideal partner would look like, act like, love like. What physical attributes would they have? What would their hobbies be? How would they interact with the world around them?

Okay, I was intrigued. I’ve had some unsuccessful attempts at dating and I wondered if maybe I wasn’t looking for the right kind of person. The kind of person that fit most of my wants and needs.

So here’s how it works. You make a list. Anything and everything off of the top of your head. Then you go back and evaluate each thing you wrote down.  For each quality/trait you list you ask yourself if you’d rather be alone than be with a person who didn’t fit that. If you’d rather be alone than that’s marked as a Minimum Requirement. Once you’re finished you filter through your MRs. You wonder to yourself that if your ideal person had all of your other MRs, could you let this one go? If you could then you cross it out.

The end list is rather interesting. Wonder what mine looks like?

  • My height (5’10”) or taller
  • Nice hair- not balding
  • Good smile- warm, welcoming
  • Spiritual is okay, NO organized religion (MR)
  • Reasonable with money, does not spend beyond means (MR)
  • NOT materialistic, brand names do not matter (MR)
  • Artistic to some degree (Art, writing, music) (MR)
  • Will take an active interest in my artistic pursuits  (MR)
  • 21-32 years old
  • Intelligent (MR)
  • Handy
  • Great sense of humor- can laugh at anything (MR)
  • Attentive (MR)
  • Great listener and can read between the lines (MR)
  • Patient (MR)
  • Compassionate (MR)
  • Giving (MR)
  • Not a dog person / likes cats
  • Non-smoker / no drugs, marijuana is not okay (MR)
  • Outgoing / social (MR)
  • Weight isn’t important- it’s how you carry it and your self confidence
  • Preferably Caucasian
  • Dark hair / light eyes
  • Loves movies, especially horror, romance, and independent films (MR)
  • Enjoys traveling (MR)
  • Can spell and appreciates proper grammar (MR)
  • Has tattoos and piercings
  • Loves food, likes to cook (MR)
  • Not into hunting
  • Thinks in a more liberal way, okay with things like evolution and pro-choice (MR)
  • Enjoys music, preferably not country (MR)
  • Appreciates the simple things in life
  • Wants kids (MR)
  • Likes flowers
  • Not really into sports
  • Has an open and accepting family (MR)
  • Can balance a career and a relationship
  • Is open about his sexual preference (MR)
  • Can openly and honestly communicate feelings (MR)
  • Likes walks in the park
  • Does not want to settle in Hagerstown (MR)

(MR= Minimum Requirement)
So there you have it. That’s my current list. It changes as I change. Even some of my MRs can be negotiated if someone completely blows me away. Still waiting on that.

I challenge you…what would your list look like?

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